Is Negativity Bad for Your Soul?
“It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honored by the humiliation of their fellow beings.” — Gandhi
A friend at work just gave me a link to this brilliant article Kathy Sierra wrote. In it, she outlines what many of us already know: angry people make people angry. What is fascinating is the science behind it.
There is now strong evidence to suggest that humans have the same type of “mirror neurons” found in monkeys. … We learn from watching others. We learn from imitating (mirroring) others. The potential problem, though, is that these neurons go happily about their business of imitating others without our conscious intention.
There is a reason your parents, coaches, and youth pastors always wanted you to spend time with people who were a “good influence” on you. They might not even have known what neuroscientist V.S. Ramachandran knows, but they have been around long enough to see the same effects. For those of us interested in actually being that good influence, we read in 1 Timothy 4:12, “Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.”
Neurologist Richard Restak says:
If you want to accomplish something that demands determination and endurance, try to surround yourself with people possessing these qualities. And try to limit the time you spend with people given to pessimism and expressions of futility. Unfortunately, negative emotions exert a more powerful effect in social situations than positive ones, thanks to the phenomena of emotional contagion.
Certainly we are called to defend the widows and orphans (and everyone marginalized or overlooked), but angry folks are not usually the ones who are overlooked. They often garner plenty of attention. It is interesting to note that the people Jesus spent most of his time with were his flawed but loving disciples. The people Jesus rebuked most frequently were the angry religious leaders. (He also answered their questions with other questions and parables rather than engaging them head on when he did interact with them.)
While we all have a lot of respect for physical biological contagions, we do not have much respect for physical emotional contagions. … Emotional contagion is considered one of the primary drivers of group/mob behavior, and the recent work on “mirror neurons” helps explain the underlying cause.
The question then is whether positivity is equal to good physical biological health and negativity to a disease. Put another way, is it really a good thing to only surround ourselves with good things? I would say, no. Not if when we use words like “bliss” we actually mean “ignorance.” However, science suggests that just the opposite is actually true.
From a Society for Neuroscience article on Bliss and the Brain that Kathy quotes:
Studies suggest that certain people’s ability to see life through rose-colored glasses links to a heightened left-sided brain function. A scrutiny of brain activity indicates that individuals with natural positive dispositions have trumped up activity in the left prefrontal cortex compared with their more negative counterparts.
That is to say, our thinking is most logical when we are happy. This likely comes as no surprise to anyone who has watched a bar fight, crowd of fans of a losing sports team, or recipient of divorce papers. We do stupid things when we are angry. We all do. However, scripture lines up with the science here. “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.” (Proverbs 19:11) We are most sensible when we are not angry and begrudging.
One of the world’s leading experts in the art of happiness is the Dalai Lama, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989. Just about everyone who hears him speak is struck by how, well, happy he is. How he can describe — with laughter — some of the most traumatizing events of his past. … But he is quite outspoken with his criticism of China. The thing is, he doesn’t believe that criticism requires anger, or that being happy means you can’t be a disruptive influence for good.
“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?” (James 4:1) When we are at war within ourselves, it seeps out. We cannot contain it once we let it control us. We give anger an inch, but it takes a bitter, resentful mile.
The American Psychological Association has this to say on anger:
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can’t take things in stride, and they’re particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
The notion that a complete lack of emotional censorship or “taming of the tongue” is somehow emotionally health, is simply not true.
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that “letting it rip” with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you’re angry with) resolve the situation. It’s best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
I used to think that being completely, brutally open about everything – and making sure that everyone knew it — was a good thing. To do otherwise was surely a form of repression. However, emotional restraint when we are dealing with negativity is no different than restraint in the kitchen when we are dieting. As the eminently quotable C. S. Lewis once wrote, “Starving men may think much about food, but so do gluttons; the gorged, as well as the famished, like titillations.” In the same chapter of his book “Mere Christianity” he wrote:
When an adolescent or an adult is engaged in resisting a conscious desire, he is not dealing with a repression nor is he in the least danger of creating a repression. On the contrary, those who are seriously attempting [self-control] are more conscious, and soon know a great deal more about their own [emotions] than anyone else. They come to know their desires as Wellington knew Napoleon, or as Sherlock Holmes knew Moriarty; as a rat-catcher knows rats or a plumber knows about leaky pipes. Virtue — even attempted virtue — brings light; indulgence brings fog.
The solution is difficult. It is not something we are normally inclined to do (especially when we are angry). We need to hand over the reigns to someone who is not angry.
We need to give control to God — for God is not angry with you.
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8)
